Dreamers need to think differently. In the previous episode, Julia Gentry and Travis Gentry took us to the start of their journey to rethink. After all, in order to achieve the things we’ve dreamed of, we can’t keep thinking the same way. However, the challenge for many is how do we rethink? In today’s show, Julia and Travis guide you to do just that. Here, they share the steps, tools, and tactics you can start implementing to help you get into rethinking for your dreams. They talk about the limiting beliefs that impact the five areas of our lives, the importance of having faith, and more. Join Julia and Travis in this discussion as they help you with your rethinking journey so you can get the results you’ve never had.
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How To Rethink – Moving Towards A New Way Of Thinking Part 1
Here we are on our next episode of Dream On. We are facing episode three. We are talking about your journey to rethink. In the last episode, we talked about our journey to rethink, and little did we know back then that it was going to be the first of many new thoughts. We wanted to take some time for all of you who go, “I read what you’re saying. I feel like I’m coming up against something that I need to rethink, but I don’t know how, I don’t know where to start. This proves everything to be wrong. Maybe everything that I didn’t ever know as possible could be. What do I do with it?” With all the things that come up, we thought it’d be fun to do an episode that met you where you are at.
More so the how-tos are out there, “How to do this?” That’s the brilliant thing about YouTube and Google. What are things that have worked for us and the tools and tactics that we have implemented, still practice? What does Julia do on a daily, weekly basis with our community and the people you’ve been coaching for quite some time? Get a little bit more in the weed. What would you say has been the most impactful tool, tactic that you started implementing that now you teach other people? What is it? You’d given the example of coming up with your new vision? How did that come about? What was it? How can someone else start to unpack that?
That was huge for me. I think that the precursor to understanding that I had a limitless vision was understanding that if you have something that is limitless and there’s nothing that’s stopping you from doing it and anything is possible and it is almost like your North Star of what you could live your life for. That there is the opposite side, which is your limiting belief which what you talked about in the last episode two. When you realize, “I now aware that I am stuck. I am not moving forward. I keep hitting the same wall. I’m running up against the same issues.” Even we said this in the RV, wherever you go, there you are, it doesn’t matter who you date, what diet you try, where you live, what job you have if you’re starting to notice the same shit different day.
It means you are coming with you every single day and your thoughts and your habits. It’s not a limiting belief. It goes down to and you can sum it up, but there’s multiple layers of multiple limiting beliefs and then you reinforce it. Let’s talk about that.
What I’ve found is that all of us carry a core limiting belief. From that core limiting belief, it impacts other areas of our life differently. It’s like what we call the “the live to thrive five.” There are five areas in our life that we will start to notice that something is not working right or we get stuck in. That’s either in our mind and spirit. It’s our health, wellbeing, finances, career and it’s our relationships or environment. Those are the five areas that typically someone’s going to go, “I’m stuck. My marriage is not doing what it needs to be doing. My finances aren’t working. My career is unfulfilling. My mind is going crazy. My health, I’m not healthy.”
Pick an area, let’s start there. What area are you stuck? You have to realize that, “I’m not getting what I want to be getting in this area of my life.” I think that’s the hardest part. Do you remember that time when you finally have to look at yourself in the mirror and go, “This isn’t working and I can’t blame it on the economy? I can’t blame it on my mommy and daddy anymore. I can’t blame it on not knowing enough,” because you could Google how to almost anything.
That’s literally never happened to me, but I’ve heard it happening to people and being a problem almost every day. It shows up and you look at yourself and it’s always there.
Now more that we’re more conscious about it we can say, “This is an issue,” and triggering. You’ll probably even read this and you’re like, “What do they mean by triggering?” We’ve been talking about this for many years, but I think the first step in your rethink journey is you have to understand and acknowledge, “This Isn’t working. I’m stuck.” I think Dorian said, he’s one of our dreamers and our firestarters, “I am aware enough to know that I’m stuck, but I am not aware enough to understand how to get unstuck.” That’s where it starts.
Knowing that you have a problem. You’re an alcoholic or addicted to smoking or food or whatever like, “That’s enough. I have a problem. Let’s do something about it.”
Let’s pick the area, “Here’s my problem. I’m not where I want to be financially. My marriage is falling apart. I don’t like my career. I can’t grow my business. There’s a disconnect between me and my kids. I lost my job.” Pick the area that you feel stuck. That’s where you have to start because then the idea is once you feel stuck, it implies that, “what got me to where I am is not going to take me to where I need to be.” I’m going to have to #Rethink. If we can make it not serious, it’s emotional. We freak out and we feel anger, fear, doubt. What do we do? We go into fight or flight. We get punchy, resistant, we start to grab onto things and the minute we do that, you’re not open to the conversation because we’re starting to take anything and everything way too seriously and then I’m on guard.In order to go to the next level, you have to have God. Click To Tweet
One is identifying, “I have a problem.” Two, it was interesting as you were saying that “It was me, I.” For me, I was like, “That’s interesting.” We call it God. What we need is we can’t do it by our own power either. It’s not like, “I’m going to do this. Me, myself and I.” Whatever it is, it doesn’t work that way.
All you will power people that are reading this and I’m one of them, this was one of my greatest awakenings in the RV that I talked about. If you are a willpower person and you’re like, “I’m going to figure this out. I will power through this grind. The whole thing.” Don’t read this part, but be careful, your ego is not going to like this because, in order to go to the next level, we are firm believers, you have to have God.
You have to know that roll away from the rocks if you’re in a storm, but God is going to meet you and provide grace and mercy in ways that you couldn’t even comprehend because if I’m going to a place I’ve never been before, more love, more connection, more money, more abundance, more generosity, more anything, that’s a new zone. That’s how heaven on earth that we’re starting to bring to this planet, that our minds can’t comprehend how to do it. It’s almost like going, “I’ve come to the end of myself and now God has to meet me with where I’m at.”
It’s true. If you think about it, it’s always about how I can handle this situation or I can do it or whether you smoke or drink, it’s like, “I’m going to figure this out and I will make it happen as opposed to surrendering and understanding that I have to surrender and let go of something in order to allow space for something new to even come in.”
I think when we’re in survival mode, which a lot of times when any of these things are happening, it’s easy to shift into survival mode. Survival mode means, “I’m going to protect myself,” which is why we go to the I and me, “I need to protect myself. I need to make sure I’m looking out for myself. I need to grind it out.” All signs and then the minute we start going, “I need to figure this out,” figure it out as a brain. That’s why it cracks me up. I have coaching students say, “I need to figure it out and I’ll go.”
You go figure that out, but when you get here, come back and let’s talk, because the answers are going to start coming from a deeper, more profound, interconnected with God place to take you and lead you to where you’ve never been. The, “I figure it out part,” you would have already figured it out. There’s no room for God and what we’re doing is we’re minimizing God. We’re making our problems bigger and our God smaller. We’re making the economy bigger and God smaller. We’re making our bank account bigger and God smaller.
Of what is capable because if you try to do it on your own, then there is no space for God or other people too that are coming alongside you. If you can do it yourself and that’s where I would also say, if you can do it by yourself, if your dream and you can accomplish it by yourself, it’s not a God-given dream. It’s not a dream. If you want to lose weight, that’s great. I would imagine that there’s probably something else that it’s for other people. As you learn how to feed your body and exercise, I guarantee you’re going to share it with other people or you’re going to find a passion and a love for it to be like, “I need to teach this to other people.” I would challenge the reader if what you’re thinking has to do with you for the sake of more money, it’s not a God-given dream.
As we walk this, first, you have to realize, “I am stuck. I have a problem. I don’t know what I don’t know.” There are these levels of competency. There are these four levels of consciousness and competency. The first one is unconsciously incompetent, which means, “I don’t know what I don’t know.” Ignorance is bliss. That’s sometimes that’s a nice part because it’s like, “I can complain about it. We can sit around and talk about it all day long and I don’t have to take any responsibility and we can banter back and forth.” Until you move into consciously incompetent, which is, “I have a problem, Travis, and I have no clue what to do about it. I now know that I’m not healthy, no idea what I’d need to do to get healthy. I now know that I don’t like my career, but I have no idea how to change it.”
Nobody likes to be consciously incompetent, which is why we tend to revert back. We try to play the ignorance is bliss card again because “I don’t want to be in this phase. I don’t like not knowing, but we have to recognize I have a problem.” The next level is going, and I talk about this in my book, is you have to develop a wholehearted hatred for whatever it is. I don’t mean anger. Hatred is different than anger. Anger will get you up in the morning, but it’s not going to keep you going all day long. Anger can get me up. There are many protests going on and can I give insight into one that I saw? We live in Castle Rock, which is a smaller town in Denver. It’s getting much bigger than it was. It’s not the smallest town in the world, but it’s a small town. I’m driving and I recognize the Downtown, Castle Rock.
There is a girl who is doing a protest. She’s got a mask on and it was for George Floyd. All that was going on with that. There are probably 50 people that were there doing it with her. I had this visual and you could tell she was angry and rightfully so. She is there sharing her protest and everybody there is an agreement. I had this concept of let’s pretend that there was this girl, 60 days prior, according to statistics, she doesn’t love her job, relationships are mediocre, her health is okay. I’m playing this out, statistically speaking. All of a sudden, this pandemic happens, this whole episode with George Floyd happens and boom, the fire goes on within her, “I was born for this. I will not stand for this. That is my mission.” She goes out the door. It gives me goosebumps. She is alive.
It’s not the first incident of this kind. It’s a few things compounding to have her wake up to say, “I’m going to do something.”
Yes. Let’s say it is anger. Immediately she’s like, “I’m angry and I’m going to do something angry that my lost my job. I’m angry that this is happening. I will not stand for this.” She gets out there to protest. She does her thing all day long. My question as I drove away is, “Will this girl still be doing this in a year? Will she still be taking a stand for the things that are not right? Will she still be standing in front of people and pushing justice for all colors? Will she still be someone in a year that has moved the needle in areas that our world needs to be moved or is in a week, her anger going to go away?” Here’s the difference.
Anger will get you up in the morning. Will get me doing my protest, will get me yelling, but that’s not going to keep me going. I’ll burn out back to the point of willpower. My anger will burn out. If I a whole-hearted hatred, Malcolm X says, “That which I don’t hate, I will tolerate.” If I don’t hate something enough to change it, it won’t change. That’s the visual that stuck with me, which is great. Anyone can get up in the morning for being angry at anything in their life or anything going on in the world for a day or 2 or 3.
The people that are going to create lasting change, not only with what we have going on but in their health, in your marriage, in your finances, the only thing that will create lasting change is if I take that anger and go wholeheartedly, “I hate this. It’s keeping me disconnected from my marriage. It’s keeping me from living life and a career that I could, to Travis’s point in the last episode, be adding much value. It’s stopping me from health and vitality and I am over it.” That’s what it takes. It’s like a wholehearted hatred that says, “Nothing’s going to stop me.
I’m going to channel now my connection with God, knowing that it’s not just about me. This is bigger than me. It’s going to take more than me to get over this addiction, to get over the fear, to try to push through the consciously incompetent phase. It’s going to take all of me.” Which if it doesn’t make you cry. There are days that I look at things that I want to do and it almost makes me want to cry because I want to be good at being a mom. We talked about this. Those moments that you’re even angry with the kids and you’re like, “I want to be a good mom,” so bad that I will stop.
You’re getting caught up. Give context to that because I think it’s being real and where we’re at and situations where we think something else is important, a conversation or something in the grand scheme of things is nothing. You lash out, you get angry and you get frustrated. I would totally agree looking at their face when you lash out has nothing to do with them, but their interpretation and everything, it is heartbreaking to know. First is recognizing there’s something disconnected. Two is I need to allow space for this to rethink it. Three, I have to dislike how I acted so much that I am going to make a change so when a situation like that comes up again, you may not be perfect.
You may lash out, but here’s the difference that I know that we both have done and I’m challenging everybody to do as you get through these phases or these steps is that you go back to the kids. If you lash out, in this example, and you go back to them and I did this too. You go back to them and you sit with them, you get eye level with them and you let them know that has nothing to do with them. That you’re sorry and they understand and recognize it’s okay to be vulnerable and be wrong too.
As a parent, it’s sometimes the hardest thing to do.
I’ve never, rarely if ever, have seen a parent lash out at a kid out in public and then apologize to them because I think it’s important. This is practice on such a little level. It’s like with a kid, do you have to apologize? No, absolutely. You don’t have to, but as you’re aware, consciously, becoming consciously competent in different areas, I can’t go throughout my day without going back to them and saying, “I’m sorry. I lashed out, it had nothing to do with you.” It’s teaching them and helping them, but it’s also helping us.
This is what happens, is that the ego in me doesn’t want to sit down and acknowledge my err. The ego in me wants to be the mom who’s right and you’re the kid who’s wrong. I battle that. In my head, what I’m doing is it’s almost like I’m sitting down, and not only is this to show Nixon that a mommy, a woman, and an adult can be wrong, anyone can be wrong. We’re allowed to be wrong and to show empathy and grace, and then to shape, to show him to say that sorry is a powerful word, but sorry is powerful because it means change. I’m rewriting my code of my DNA because my ego doesn’t like it, but I’m doing it anyway. I’m consciously saying, “Here’s what I did. Here’s why it was wrong. Here’s how I want to do it moving forward.”You have to surrender and let go of something in order to allow space for something new to even come in. Click To Tweet
This is how you start to rethink. Is that now this is where this is going to be a little much, but your thoughts teach your brain what to think. This is how this works is I have a thought that writes my brain code, I have a thought that’s going to go, “I can’t have what I want.” My brain is going to tell my thoughts, “I can’t have what I want.” Now, it’s becoming this self-fulfilling prophecy. The hardest part about this is that we’ve had many thoughts that have told our brain to think a certain way, that we keep doing it automatically. At this moment, I remember sitting down with Nixon going, “You are more important than anything else. You are more important than this business call than even my agenda than my control issues.” I’m saying this as he’s three.
It’s like practicing. There are two thoughts, one is having grace for yourself, and knowing it doesn’t always happen because it’s easy. You could have got mad at him and be like, “Next time.” I know we’ve had multiple conversations where we’re at that level where I’m going to respond how I know I want to so I stop it before it happens. Sometimes it slips. This is what we’re talking about in this situation. You’re going back apologizing, getting it right with you, but it’s easy to lash out at the people you love because you wouldn’t have done that to the person that you’re talking to. If they kept talking and you’re like, “Hold on. I’m on the phone. Go away. I’ll be back in a minute,” and then talk to talk to the kid. It’s like practicing, but the people you love the most typically are the ones that you lash out and sometimes hurt the most.
Including yourself, how many thoughts we have, how often we shame ourselves, how often we guilt ourselves, unconsciously or consciously, we kill ourselves and we kill those around us because at some point you’re like, “I got to put my shame and my guilt somewhere.” When we start this rethink process, people think it’s some crazy mantra. There’s a reason that even the Bible says, “Renew your mind daily.” Many of us are like, “It works well. I stopped doing it.” No. Renew your mind daily, because what you’re doing is you’re reinforcing your brain to tell your thoughts, to think another way. It’s like when you slow down and get granular that you’re literally watching a thought, a new thought, “Nixon, you are more important than anything else. You are more important than my control issues.”
I wasn’t saying that for Nixon though, it’s going to serve him at some point, he’s going to say it he’s three. He doesn’t understand it at an intellectual level like I do. I was saying it to me because I’m re-establishing in my brain all the work does not come before my kids. Phone calls don’t come before my kids. I understand that there’s going to be certain times that there’s meetings, but if my work and the people around me don’t realize that I have kids and that they can’t hang for five minutes on a call where I get situated or whatever, I don’t care. They’re more important to me. That’s how it’s always been.
Setting the expectations for the people around you too so they understand the priority of importance. The person on the phone doesn’t care. You make it mean something and that’s something maybe if we can hit on a little bit is that comparison. As you grow up, you model and you compare yourself to situations and now with YouTube and everything that you have access to, movies, you compare yourself. To me, that’s been hard for me sometimes where it’s like you compare yourself and we’ve started to stop the show because we have to make it be perfect or you judge yourself and you limit yourself by what you think it needs to be, as opposed to being knowing that, “Whatever I’m being and how I’m saying it is how it’s supposed to happen.”
Let’s keep walking down this path because I’m writing this book, The ABCs Of Dreaming For Kids And Adults, so that now families can start interacting with this concept at a much simpler level. There’s always a hero. There’s an arch enemy in every single story. We always love the hero because we love the arch-enemy because he’s trying to beat the other one. The goal of both is to win at the end. The arch-enemy in the story would be a comparison to your point. The hero of the story is creation. If I’m comparing, I can’t create which we talked about this in the last episode. I can’t change my reality if I can’t create something new. If I’m stuck in comparison and looking over my fence and what my neighbor has or looking at what I “should have” or looking at what I used to have, there is no space for me to create something new.
In order to start to change your thought process, you have to wake up to a consciousness and start as simple and yet profound as going, “Here’s the thought I have in this moment,” which is, I’ll go back to my example with Nixon, “I’m out of control consciously. I’m feeling angry.” My anger didn’t show up, it’s not because Nixon’s not listening. That’s not why I’m angry. I’m angry because I feel like I’m out of control. Now I have to create a new thought here that’s going to serve me. That’s not going to giving me anger, but it’s going to give me surrender which is something that like, “We are all important. I am safe. Nothing is more important than this moment.” I have to create space to grab a new thought that’s going to serve my emotions and start moving me in a new direction. If I’m comparing, if I’m looking at something else or someone else, all I’m going to do is create a duplicate in the world. We don’t need any more duplicates.
When the marriage is rough, it’s because you’re being inauthentic to yourself and truly who you were designed and meant to be. That’s where there’s then frustration, resentment and everything else that comes along with that, where it’s like, “If I can’t walk out and be true and authentic to myself and I am a copycat and I’m modeling someone, I’m faking it.” Those emotions come up and sabotage you.
I appreciate mentors. We’ve had tons of them. I appreciate the coaches. People would call me a growth coach. We’ve done this, we’ve tried to be them.
Tell them what they should think.
Do you remember the one we bought a real estate course and we were trying to do it exactly like them and we were frustrated? It wasn’t working. We were modeling it so much that we were losing our own voices. We were losing our own way. It’s okay to look around and go, “What are people doing?” If it doesn’t come through my lens of creation, if it doesn’t come through the lens of Travis and Julia Gentry as a couple, it’s going to be awful. There’s going to be that rub because it’s not in alignment. I’m copycatting. I’m not creating or adding to.
I believe that there’s certain situations where A plus B equals C every single time, financially. If you do this and you do it consistently and you do this, there’s a formula to success too. If you try to take yourself out and I’ve seen this happen on the flip side of real estate too, where you’re like, “I hear everything you’re saying, but I’m going to do it this way.” In fitness, “I hear that you train professional athletes and you gave me this workout and you said, if I do this and I eat this way, I’m going to get these results. I hear you, but I’m going to do this and not work out in this day and do this.” You will not get the same results that were given to you by the person that has the formula.
I agree, but then let’s look at it this way, I remember this too, Jesse Itzler, he’s a huge proponent of only eating fruit until noon. I was like, “I’m going to try this.” Any kind of fruit, but a lot of times, it’s bananas. This is before we found out about intermittent fasting, I was like, “That makes so much sense. I’m going to eat fruit before noon.” You said to me, “It’s good sugar, but that is much sugar.” I was like, “Yeah, but Jesse’s doing it.” You’re like, “He runs a marathon every single day and that’s what he does.” Here’s what I’m doing. I’m comparing myself to him, then I’m trying to take his tool. His tool works for someone who that’s what their goal is.
The results that he wants, he needs that fuel to run. If you want to be a professional athlete and they tell you to work out a certain way because you need a certain strength, you need to weigh a certain amount, you have to do those things. It’s like Jesse Itzler doing the bodybuilding workout and trying to run.
What we’re trying to get at is there has to be what we’re looking for in all of this is alignment. That’s the best word that I could use. If my result is that I want to be in the NFL, I want to run a marathon, I want passion in my relationship, I want $10,000 passive income. Whatever my dream is, whatever my result is, then I can start looking around at what people who have done it are doing, then I need to pull it in. I need to make sure that it’s in alignment with actual truth, not cognitive like, “I’ve always done it this way before.” No. When you first pull it in, it should blow your mind.
It could be that simple. It might be that easy. It could that hard, but it’s going to blow your mind at first, then you have to create the space to leverage God, “He’s got to meet me on this.” It’s about rewiring your brain to understand why you’re doing what you’re doing and then it’s about creating it in the way, let’s say you’re the only Travis Gentry who’s going to take the field as an NFL player. I’m the only Julia Gentry that’s going to run this marathon like this. I have to get an alignment with myself and make sure that I’m doing it for the right reasons. That’s where the freedom is going to come. That’s where the transformation is going to come. It could get a little muddled right there, but the filtering system, what we’re looking for is the alignment of freedom, flow, intuition.
With anything you look at, there’s certain people that have God-given natural abilities, they’re 6’6”, 6’9”, 7-foot. The likelihood of them being a basketball player or a football player is designed to be there. The athletic ability to back it up to a certain level is way higher. It’s in the alignment of saying, “Here’s what I know I’m capable of and I need to get stronger or eat better or change this habit. Now, I need to align myself with how am I going to do that?” Like in real estate, there’s a bunch of ways to make money. There’s a lot of different vehicles. What you’re saying is the vehicle that we were looking at was not the vehicle. You can make a lot of money doing that vehicle, but it was not in alignment with me.
I remember the day that he even said after we had already invested in it, “This model is good for someone who systems and detail-oriented, wants to work on a computer, push paper.” I looked at Travis and he looked at me and none of those words would describe us. Travis is like, “Details literally kill my soul.” Travis is not a computer guy. Misalignment because we wanted the results, we wanted the cash flow, but that wasn’t our journey, that wasn’t our lane, that wasn’t our path.
Where could you see that showing up in your career? Fitness and health because there are different ways to get the results that you want, to get you in alignment. Where else could you see that?
In any area. Those are the five that I had mentioned earlier.If you can accomplish your dreams by yourself, it's not big enough. Click To Tweet
The more prevalent that you think with kids, how you interact with kids, and being a parent, there are certain things that everybody can do to a certain level and then you could add on to it with even more alignment, but there’s a base.
Are you saying real-time this is happening in what do you do?
I’m saying, is there any situation from your perspective that you’ve seen that there’s not some fundamentals in different areas of your life and then there’s some that are true alignment like what we talked about in your career. If you love to sit at a cubicle and you love crunching numbers and coding, starting a business is probably not for you, potentially, unless you align yourself with the right people that can do the other things. If you’re in alignment with yourself, it may be to come alongside a company that they need that skillset so you can thrive in the work environment.
Before you can even get there. I appreciated in the last episode you ended with the how-tos that are out there. This is not going to be about how-tos. When people have come to coach to me, it’s almost six months before we touch real-time decisions because if you come to sit down in a process and for 33, 38, 44, even 18 years you’ve been thinking one way and then to think with one new thought that we happen to come up with that you’re going to walk away and start building your life from that, you’re crazy. Because I’ve been working 33 years, subconsciously in my own belief, I am wrong. I can’t have what I want. I’m not worthy. I can’t trust anyone and I built my life around that.
Michael Singer talks about this in the book, Untethered Soul. It changed my life. I loved that book. For the first couple of chapters, I couldn’t quite get into it. Chapter Three, you’re like, “The heavens opened up.” What he’s talking about is we all have this thorn in our side, which would be called a limiting belief, which that’s what we call when we walk people through this. I have this belief, it’s on my side. Instead of taking it out, because if we take it out then, “What am I going to do without it?” That’s why they say an addict is way more likely to go back to their addiction not because they want to, but because they don’t know what to do with that space.
If I drink alcohol every day from 5:00 to 10:00. That’s five hours every day. If I stopped drinking, that’s step one. “What am I going to do with those five hours? That is a lot of time that feels vulnerable. That feels scary. There’s much uncertainty. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to drink again, but I know what I’m going to feel like when I do, even if it’s awful, I still know what I’m going to feel like.” Part of this is that, if I take this out of my life, I don’t know. I have no idea what’s next, which is why we don’t because I don’t know what a loving relationship is going to feel like if I didn’t have one. I’ve never seen one. I don’t know what it feels like to be in a community of other people working towards a common goal.
It’s the awareness, open space, alignment to then start to fill it so then you can take out that torn to then put something else in and you may have to take it out a couple of times to put something else in. Because you’re trying to find what feels good, what fits, what’s an alignment with now that new awareness.
Psychology calls this liminal space. When you go from consciously incompetent, “I have a problem and I hate it and I’m ready to move forward. I let go.” Trapeze moment. The space between letting go and grabbing onto the next thing, a limitless vision is something to live for my conviction, my purpose, that space in between is treacherous. It’s dangerous. It’s liminal space because it feels like I got an email about this, he says, “I feel like I’m floating like I’m here, but I’m not here. I almost feel like I want to go back because this space is quiet.
My mind has been shattering for 40 years and now my mind is quiet.” It almost feels scary. It feels empty. That’s liminal space, which is now I’m letting go of everything I’ve ever known and I haven’t quite yet grabbed onto this whole idea that I can create uninhibitedly. That I can live in a world as far as the eye can see, that there’s possibility and potential and room for my gift. Haven’t grabbed onto it yet. This is the space in between that, I believe, this is where you learn to be.
We’ve practiced that. It’s hard. We’ve talked about this too where most people and we’ve been there in different seasons of our life is, “I’d rather live in a comfortable hell than an unfamiliar heaven,” and understanding like, “I can control this. It’s familiar, even though I hate it.” That shows up in all areas for some people, a relationship that’s bad. You’re like, “At least I know what I did.” It’s like, “I’ve seen this modeled for me, I’m in it, but to think about I could have truly what I want or I haven’t even thought about it because I haven’t allowed myself to transition into the liminal space.”
The liminal space is there and designed to create. If I go back to the comparison, if I go back to what used to be, if I go back to what my neighbor is doing, if I get on YouTube, liminal space is when I tell people, “Get off YouTube. Stop watching other people’s life. Do not get on Instagram. Do not get on Facebook because you are way too weak.” It’s almost like an alcoholic. I’ve watched people walk through this journey where when they stopped drinking, you don’t go to the bar two days later, you’re not strong enough. Here’s what we do. We shame ourselves, “I should be strong enough. I told you, I couldn’t do it.”
Go to the bar to sit there or be around.
They’re like, “Why I can’t even do that?” You’re like, “You’re two days in. You’re two years even.” Until all of a sudden, it becomes stronger and stronger. In the liminal space, you’re supposed to detach from all the other stuff around you because you’re supposed to learn how to go in. You’re supposed to learn how to go to God. You’re supposed to learn, “God, show me what is possible. Here’s my limit. My limit has always told me I am wrong or I can’t have what I want. What is the actual truth that says anything is possible for Him who believes, that I am more than a conqueror? It says that anywhere I put my foot that you will give me the land in your namesake.’”
There are biblical principles that when we finally decide to let go of a mindset that isn’t serving us and you know it’s not serving you when you’re not getting the results you want. You start going, “Let’s for a second, in this liminal space, consider a world that anything was possible. Let me for a minute create uninhibitedly what’s possible.” All of a sudden, this part of you starts to open up again and you go, “I can see it. I can taste even a little bit of it.” All of a sudden, your brain goes, “What about this? What about that? What about her? What about him? What are they going to think?” That’s the chatter of the mind. That’s part of the course because liminal space is trying to chip away at that. That’s the addict that’s going, “Wait.”
Now going from liminal space to now consciously competent, getting into that next level, next phase of what is that transition?
There are three layers to this, like what I call “almost our prayer meditation.” It’s the chatter layer, the constructive layer, and the creation layer. If you were to sit down and do meditation, and I remember this was on a podcast and I can’t remember who it was but it changed everything. He said, “I’d been trying to meditate for a long time and I hate meditating because I hate being still. I need to be doing something. I’m not profiting anything. There are a million things I could be doing and my mind was going crazy.” He said, “the goal of meditating is not to be good at meditating. The goal of meditating is to be good at you.”
I was on an airplane and the light went on. That’s what you’re looking for. All of a sudden, revelation is going to go, the truth will go boom. It’s like an explosion goes off within. The chatter layer, when you first are in this liminal space is going to be everything that you’re not. It’s going to sound like shame, guilt, judgment, criticism. Let it go. Five to fifteen minutes. It’s going to chatter when you do this. Once that quiets itself, because it will, then you go to what I call “the constructive layer.”
I pull out a pen and paper for this, it’ll say, “You forgot to call your mother-in-law. You forgot to send that thank you. You forgot that you wanted to post something.” Todos, but they’re valid. They’re super constructive because I forgot. I write them until it too stops and it will, then I get to the creation layer. This is where almost it’s quiet, which is weird at first. I think they say five seconds on an elevator, people can’t stand that awkward five seconds that at about 5 to 6 seconds, someone will say something because it’s awkward.
Normally, I get on the elevator and stand and stare at the person to see the reaction who’s going to break first.
Part of this is learning to sit in the quiet. Here’s then what’s going to happen, when you’re seeking truth and you’re going to have to check yourself on this, you could start with God’s word. You could start with a thought that trumps the other one. If I have a limiting belief or this belief that keeps coming up that says, “I can’t have what I want.” What would be a belief that the opposite? If we flip that thing over, if it’s in me, it’s possible. Grab it.If you don't hate something enough to change it, it won't change. Click To Tweet
Do you find within that process, if you don’t have the thoughts or the friends and family around you, you don’t have anybody whether it’s a book or a specific podcast or an article to help you come up with some ideas to be able to like, “Can I have those as my new truth?”
A couple of things, yes. In this case, there’s something beautiful about trusting that it’s already in.
It’s going to pop up. You’re going to be still sitting there potentially not the 1st time, the 2nd time, the 3rd or 4th, but then you start to have these dreams, start to come back up because you had them in the past and you buried them or put them on the shelf. Now they start to come up and you’re like, “I do remember that.”
God doesn’t talk in English or Spanish or Portuguese. God talks in colors, energies, and stories. Sometimes when you’re in the zone, all of a sudden, “I’ll get this energy of freedom. This is how I landed on my word freedom.” It was almost like this yellow color that all of a sudden, I felt open and the word, all of a sudden is free. I sat there and went, “That’s what I want.” I had been listening to a couple of other podcasts and been reading a couple of other books and I was almost envious. I was comparing like, “They live free. Why is it that they live free? I want to be her.”
I started doing this. I was rumbling with that for like a week until I finally went to this quiet place, I asked myself and I was like, “I don’t want to be her. I want to be free like her.” What will happen is all of a sudden, even if a word comes to you, it’s likely your word. It’s likely, “That is what I want more than anything. I want freedom.” You start putting these together. All of a sudden, remember my book, the whole idea that the lights went across the sky like shooting stars and there was color as far as the eye could see. It was like a totally uninhibited creation. There was no right or wrong. There was no rhyme or reason. All of a sudden, you’re like, “That’s what I want.”
Being still and I’ve had these too and it’s hard. Whether I’m hiking or out by the beach or the ocean or in nature, I get a lot of downloads when I’m doing that. It’s hard to disconnect yourself in the environment that we live in now with the phone, you can call, you can text, you can multitask. You can be eating, texting, and driving. When you get to the office, you can be watching two different screens. You can be texting something and eating or check your phone. I forget the stats and statistics, but how many people check their phones whether it beeps or doesn’t, it’s a compulsive thing.
Especially, when there’s a little ding and they did that intentionally. You’re addicted to checking your phone like it’s urgent or important because if it was, they would pick up the phone and call you. You feel like, “I got to get back to them. They sent me an email. It’s urgent.” You get distracted by the quiet time or being in the liminal space or being open or even listening to a podcast that helps you to start to rethink.
I think that there could even be two parts to this. Maybe we do one more on this after this episode to go even deeper. Here’s what I would encourage people is you have to remember that the journey of rethinking is that you have to be willing to do what you’ve never done to get the results that you’ve never had. If you’ve been plugging in, you probably need to unplug. If you haven’t been doing a date night, you probably need to date. You’re going to almost need to do the opposite of subtly shifts.
Something that’s going to be different than what you’re currently doing. Typically, what I’m trying for the alignment piece because you can do what someone else is doing and I’m not suggesting that it won’t work. We want to find what’s in you to do it the way that only you can do it to find your revelation, to find your new thought because you can learn from my lesson or you can learn from your lesson, both are valid. I’ve found that oftentimes we learn when we learn our own lesson.
Which some of the most creative businesses and companies, Tesla, recreating, and doing something new. Tom’s Shoes, when he came out with his shoes. I know he got rejected multiple times. It’s like processing. The Protein Bar, when they first started doing it because they wanted to do it a certain way.
It’s the first no-sugar bar in the market.
The way they were trying to do it, there were no machines out there. They had to rethink and create a machine. At first, they were doing it by hand, and then they got a machine built and so they could mass produce it. You have to step back and not necessarily always do it the way someone else is doing, but take that because I think that there are clues of, “I like this,” but I’m not seeing the translation from this to this. I need to do something different.
Here’s what I would end on if part of this is now going in. You always have to go in because it’s the God in you that put the answers to any of the problems in the world going on around us. Even in the areas that you’re stuck in, you have the answer on the inside of you. It’s not on the outside of you. It’s not Googling or researching, “Yes, start there. Sure. That could be fine.” You have to go in because it’s the God in you that gave me the answers to that problem. If I keep trying to solve it externally, then I’m detaching for myself more. I’m in how-tos, but I’m not changing from the inside out. Part of this and what I would encourage for a couple of steps, and then we’ll shift into another episode.
We can go deeper but is to say, you got to acknowledge that there’s an issue, “I’m stuck.” You have to create the space to give God room to meet you halfway. There has to be a surrender to, this is not willpower, “I’m not going to do this on my own. God, community, people are going to have to help.” The next is learning how to identify what the thing is that’s keeping you stuck and to learn how to let it go. It’s walking through the liminal space and starting to go in. You have to be able to go, “This is what’s got me to where I am. What now is going to be the revelation and the truth that’s going to get me to go where I want to be, which is that limitless vision.” Which is a conviction, purpose, dreams to now finally grab onto something so I can swing the other side.
That’s the whole point of the reason why you want to go through this process and you can go through it in a bunch of different areas of your life, which there will be a download on our website that you can get that will help you walk through this process of what we’re talking about. You can add it, whether it’s health and nutrition or career, so you can write down and then be still. That’s why it’s important. It’s action-based though, too. It’s not, “Here are the how-tos.” You have to put in the work to get the result that you want, which is the dream that’s inside you.
Let’s dedicate. The next episode is going to be towards the action-oriented side of things because I think that’s why sometimes dreaming gets a bad connotation because they’re like, this is used to be mine, “While you’re over there dreaming, I’ll be out here doing something.” I used to judge because dreamers felt like woo-woo, emotional or it must be nice or pie in the sky or whatever. No. Dreamers are doers, big time. That’s the connection piece. That’s not our issue as people. Before we start doing it, I think that there’s an essence of learning how to rewrite our thoughts, learning how to change some of our beliefs, and knowing what to do about it. Those would be my steps. That would be my suggestion on beginning the steps of learning, how to rethink as taking every opportunity and going, “If this is energetically is not serving me. If this thought is creating shame, anger, blame, guilt, it’s not sitting well with me.”
Trying to be someone or do it the way they’re doing it.
That is an opportunity to go rethink the moment. That’s all I want you to do, #Rethink. You may be consciously incompetent, but you are conscious. Maybe even before reading this blog, you might have said, “I didn’t even know those moments were happening.” Now, you’ll notice that they’re happening, but you’re going to have to read to more episodes and join us for all the things. Now when you’re conscious about it, you’re at least going, “At least I’m seeing it.” You’ve got to hate it enough. You’ve got to go, “There it is again. It’s everywhere.” Now you go, “I hate it.” Great, that is where you need to be.
That’s when you start to get lasting results. Not just the 90 days, the first day of the year, went to the gym, lost a few pounds, but didn’t create pattern and habit at a deeper level to understand like, “Do I want to be in shape?” Not just to be in shape because that person is in shape and they look good at the beach, “Why do I want to get in shape?”
The willpower runs out. We could sit and talk even longer. Join us for another episode. It’s what we need to be saying. We’ll see you next time.
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