Wherever you are in life, your thoughts got you to that point. If you are not where you want to be, then maybe it’s time to rethink and do things differently. On the second of a two-part series, Julia Gentry and Travis Gentry tie up the rethinking process to help you get from point A to point Z. Stop being like a hamster on a wheel and step into something new as Julia and Travis share how you can strengthen your mental muscle and rethink your way to your dreams.
Listen to the Podcast here
Watch the Podcast here
How To Rethink – Moving Towards A New Way Of Thinking Part 2
We’re going to recap what we talked about last time and finish out how do you rethink and then some of the tools that we were talking about.
If the last episode didn’t leave you like, “What?” Almost the beginning of the mind blow where you’re like, “I don’t know. I hear what you’re saying. That space in between.”
The first step is the awareness of like, “I have a problem and/or I need to rethink this.”
Hopefully, the last one didn’t leave you hanging so much, but in this episode, we’re going to tie this up in a nice red bow so you can get from A to Z in this rethinking process and finish it out. Also please note, when I say get to A to Z, this can sometimes truly take months or years to walk through this process.
Now you build on it. It’s one brick at a time of okay, a new awareness, and you’re adding something to it. Six months later, you’re like, “I’m going to rethink this and add something to it.” It’s not like, “I have this awareness. I’m recognizing I want to rethink this and I have a problem or I need to change this or how I’m doing is not working,” but it evolves like you do.
As long as we give ourselves to grace to realize this is not going to happen overnight and if you were reading this, 34 like I am or almost 40 like Travis or 50, we have 34 years, 40 years, 50 years of thinking something. To think that we’re going to rethink it overnight and all of a sudden everything is going to change, it’s not going to serve us.
It’s like working out. You work out those baby steps and you’re not going to go to the gym knowing that you want to lift 100 pounds. You’re not going to start out there when you’re only at 5 pounds. There are a progression and a process to develop the mental muscle. To recap.
In the process of rethinking, you first will recognize this isn’t working for me anymore. Now I’m not pretending that it’s fine. I’m going, “Whatever it is, whatever change needs to happen in my life, it’s going, ‘I need to change in any area,’” whether it’s weight, finances, relationship, career. We even talked about this. Whether someone comes to you and you lose your job and you weren’t planning on it or you look at yourself in the mirror and you go, “I need to lose 50 pounds,” this doesn’t matter. None of this is happening to you. Remember, it’s all happening for us. It has to be, “This part needs to change.” I need to open up my awareness of going, “I have a problem.” There is an issue here. I have a problem, whether it’s fear, worry, doubt, something emotional or whether it’s literal. I have no money or I’m overweight or our marriage is struggling. Here’s the problem.
You can’t take the awareness out. Let’s say for alcohol, you’re an alcoholic and you drink from 4:00 to 10:00. You can’t not stop drinking because you have to fill it with something. First, it’s the awareness, then the open space of like, “What do I fill my time with. What do I do?”
Before we get there, it’s opening space to go, “This isn’t going to be willpower. This has to be God meeting me. This is where I feel we’re building the greatest strength.” If we shift us into willpower, then I miss the opportunity to create space to let God join me on this journey. Now I’m almost already pulling heaven to earth. Here’s my belief. I believe that the things that we want that are in us to desire healthier marriage, a healthy body, the career that we love, it already exists in heaven. It’s our job now to pull it down. It’s already in us. It’s heaven in me. I’ve got to create the space to let God meet me halfway to do something that I’ve never done before. That’s the space. To your point, I let go.
I’m going to let go of the habits. I’m going to let go of the patterns. I’m going to let go of whatever it is. Now we’re in what’s called liminal space. This is where we started to leave it where it’s that trapeze moment that I’ve let go of the alcohol. I’ve let go of the bad eating habits. I’ve let go of my job. I’ve let go of a relationship that doesn’t serve me or talking to each other in a way that doesn’t serve us. I’ve let go of it. Now what? This is the liminal space.
Now, what do I fill it with? What do I do with that time or the resources, whatever it may be within? What’s another example?
I want to back up a minute because you said something that struck a chord. Let’s talk for a minute. Let’s expound on the liminal space before we start talking about filling it. You said it’s like the jujitsu of the mind. You start wrestling with yourself. Let’s unpack that because that’s what liminal space is. For those of you reading and don’t know what is liminal space, it’s this term that describes I’ve let go of one thing, but I have grabbed onto another. I’m in this hallway of in between, which can feel lonely. It can feel scary. You can feel isolated. You can feel like you’re almost talking to one part of you that’s like, “Don’t do this,” then talking to the next part of you that’s like, “I want this.”
One of our team members was talking about that where you almost feel crazy, you’re walking down the road and you’re there, but you’re not there because you’re having a conversation in your head. I remember a few times where it’s like, “Travis, I feel like you’re here, but you’re not here.” That’s true because I’m having a dialogue in my head. I’m wrestling. I’m having this jujitsu tournament in my mind of what was. If I’m stepping into something new or I want to step into something new and letting go, it’s a battle because of what my truth was, what I thought was true or what I saw whether it’s from family or environment. You’re like, “It goes against that now.”
I want to step into something new and everything changes. If you’re overweight and you want to lose weight, and then all of a sudden you start to tell your family, “I’m not eating that. I’m going to lose weight.” This happened to us too. “What are the Gentry’s eating now where we’re doing a cleanse or fast?” It goes against the norm because normally if you get to a big family gathering, you all go over there and you eat the normal stuff. If you’re trying to do something different that you’ve never done and you go over there and be like, “I don’t eat that anymore,” judgment comes up and comparison and, “Why aren’t you? What are you doing?” You second guess yourself and evil me pops up. The jujitsu match starts. “Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I should keep doing what I’ve been doing.”
Here’s what’s going to happen in this liminal space. If you know that this is happening, it eases the pain of this process because this is painful. This is hard. To your point, I remember I’d always say to Travis, “Baby, you need to get up and go to jujitsu.” The class started at 6:00 AM and I’m like, “I’m getting up. I’m going to do a bar or whatever.” He goes, “Let me put this in perspective. You’re going to a bar class, which means if you don’t want to totally push yourself 100%, there are ways around it. You don’t have to sit in that squat quite as long. When you’re doing jujitsu, there is another 200-pound man on top of you trying to choke you out.” I was like, “No, that’s fair.” Think about this. You’re to wrestle with yourself because you haven’t yet grabbed onto something new as truth as competency. You don’t feel confident that when someone goes, “Why aren’t you eating that food?” You’re like, “Let me tell you all the reasons why. Let me tell you what it does to my body.”
You’re trying it out for science.
I don’t even know. I read it or my nutritionist told me to and now that you’re giving me that beer with the bread and the cheese, “Fine. It’s comfortable.”
That’s such a good point because you don’t know everything about it. It’s like you start working out and you read something or you’re following a program P90X or whatever it may be. You’re following it but you don’t know 100% why. Why am I doing this? Why am I working out this way? Why is he telling me to eat this way? When should I eat? When should I not eat? You can’t tell someone exactly, “I’m doing this workout because it does this or eat this food at this time because it does this.” When someone asks you, you feel stupid. You’re like, “I don’t know. It’s because I’m following this program.”
I feel at some point in time when you start to work and interact with conscious people, you could even say to them when they go, “Why are you doing that?” You go, “I don’t know yet because I’m consciously incompetent. Give me a month or 60 days because I’ll know why. I don’t know why. I know that I’ve heard someone tell me that it’s good for me or it’s a new truth that I’m clinging on to, but I haven’t grabbed onto it yet, so give me some grace.” Unfortunately, we don’t live in that world. Let’s describe the zone so you know when you’re in it. It is the consciously incompetent phase. You can feel isolated. You can feel lonely. For me, my experience was like I was floating. I’m here, but I’m not here.The things that we want already exist in heaven. It's our job to pull it down. Click To Tweet
Travis has had the experience of a lot of talk and chatter in his head. Mine was almost empty. I didn’t know what I thought about anything now. I went from being chatter of the brain that then it went to nothing to where I was like, “I don’t know what about that.” I don’t know about my health. I don’t know about my career. I don’t know what I would imagine. Mine felt that. You’re in a room, quiet, all by yourself. It’s a little bit darker than it is bright and you’re like, “Oh, shoot.” That for me is what caused me to want to go back to any familiar hell is because I was used to the noise in my head that I’d almost was like, “I’d rather the noise and the chatter. It’s busy and I’m doing and I’m going.” I look I’m getting somewhere, but the hamster on the wheel, I kept going, “I’m spinning and I’m burning steam and I’m burning energy, but I’m not getting anywhere over there.” I have to sit in the space in between. What you start to do is you’re wading the waters of lies to find the truth.
What do you mean by wading the waters of lies?
It may not be hard, fast lies. It could be what got you to where you are, which isn’t what’s going to get you to where you’re going to be. It’s a truth that no longer serves the next phase of what you’re trying to do. It could be the fact that I needed to do a lot of cardio to lose weight. Now I got to do some weight training to build muscle. It doesn’t mean that that cardio isn’t bad. It’s not a lie. It’s not going to take me to where I need to be. It could be lies that I made up about myself. For me, my limiting beliefs, I am wrong. I am bad. Is that true? No human being on the planet is wrong and bad to the core. That’s the spirit of shame. For me, I had to wade the actual lies that I’d carried with me. “I am wrong. I am bad. You’re going to leave me.” All of these things as well as that one truth that got me here isn’t going to be the truth that takes me anymore. It could be literal lies or it could be truths that no longer serve you. This phase is challenging. Your example of the jujitsu of the mind is also a great analogy because you’ll either feel that. It will get hotter. The wrestle will get stronger or it’s quiet. It’s this dark hallway.
Most of the time though, the people that we’ve interacted with, that’s challenging. You busy your time. You create space and you have a little bit of time, whether it’s in the morning or the afternoon, you feel it. I’m going to do this or I’m going to meet this person. I’m going to watch a movie or I’m going to flip through Facebook or whatever it is, as opposed to setting, being, and hearing your own voice as opposed to looking and seeking outside.
This is how you start moving through liminal space. Now I have to find this new truth and I can’t do what I’ve always done, which means please hear me. We cannot start in this phase being externally seeking. This is not the time to get on YouTube and go, “What do they think I should think?” This is not the time to get on Instagram and to go, “What is my neighbor doing?” This is not the time to start Googling how do I have a healthier marriage. Googling robots on a computer is not going to give us that answer. It’s learning how to connect with yourself so much so. This is why this part is awkward because we start to realize, “I’ve never done this.”
It gives you ideas, but you already have those ideas based on knowing you have a problem and knowing that there’s a different solution. As you’re saying that though, I have awareness because I tend to do that. I tend to go to YouTube. I tend to Google stuff, but it’s because I’ve already had an awareness of like, “I don’t want to keep doing this. I’ve opened up space.” I already know that there’s an opposite more than likely or a few different options. I have to sit with that of like, “Which one am I going to try first? Which one am I going to move forward with and not go to maybe there are more options?” That’s when you get confused and then you don’t do anything.
I was talking to someone and she said, “The problem is now I feel there are too many things to look at.” I go, “Why are you saying there are too many options?” She’s like, “It’s because my sister does this. My friends are doing that. I was talking to someone the other day that’s doing this.” I was like, “You’re already in comparison.” We were talking about the creation to comparison. In this phase, all I’m suggesting is first you have to find your God-given truth that even if it takes a week or a month to hear what it is, it is on the inside of you. That’s the knowing. That’s the God in us.
That’s already gone. This is what you’re literally going to do in this space. Here’s been my reality. I have this much in the bank. My marriage looks like this. My finances look like this. My career looks like this. Whatever it is, look at it for what it is. You start to go, “What do I imagine here?” Not the intellect. Your heart goes, “What do I imagine?” This is honestly what it starts to sound like. I want to connect with my husband. Write down the word ‘connect.’ It will say, “I want to work at a job or a career that I’m passionate about it.” Write down the word ‘passion.’ “I, with my body, want to feel vital energy.” Write down the word ‘vital.’ Here’s why. We have to go, “What does it mean to me to live vital energy? What does it mean to me to have a connected relationship?”
Travis and I, if I said, “Give me the definition of a connected marriage.” You may say it would be A, B, and C and I’d go, “That’s interesting. For me, a connection would look X, Y, and Z.” Now we have to go, “How do we make sure that you’re A, B, and C and my X, Y, and Z allows us to connect?” Now, these words are important, but not the word. It’s what do you say that word is. What does passion mean to you? Now we’re starting to go, “I’m starting to create new truths that go if I want vital energy and it means sustainable. I don’t want highs and I don’t want lows.” Let’s walk this out for a minute.
Vital energy means I don’t want highs and lows. I want sustainable energy. Now we go, “How do I do this?” Pick up YouTube and go, “How do I create sustainable energy?” We’re going to get some options. Intermittent fasting, vegan, and whole 30. Now we go, “Why don’t I try one for 90 days?” Pick which one resonates, feels like it’s the path of least resistance that’s going to give me what I want. Don’t make it hard that you’re like, “I’m going to quit.” I didn’t start with intermittent fasting right away because that felt hard to me. You slowly move into them.
This is interesting because when I heard about intermittent fasting and a huge tool resources, Thomas DeLauer, he has a YouTube channel. I would highly recommend his stuff. Once I heard it, I was like, “That makes sense,” not realizing that you wean yourself into it. I did intermittent fasting every day for seven days. I started down that path and then reading more about it and listening to him more, he talks about sometimes you can get dizzy or lightheaded and stuff because your body is acclimating to it. Sometimes for me, how I operate, not getting as deep and writing down words and knowing that I already have an awareness and I know that I’m going to step into this liminal space. Sometimes, I already know the answer. I already know that first step because I’ve already been wrestling with it. It’s not a liminal space for me because I know I need to stop doing this and start doing this.
You already have the answer. You’ve been wrestling with that back and forth.
Jump and practice that new muscle. Sometimes you go back and then you evaluate the day or the week and say, “I did go back to it.” At some point, it doesn’t feel good. Mentally, physically, it doesn’t sit well with your body. You’re like, “I didn’t show up the way I know I want to show up now and who I want to be.
This is why I encouraged writing something down. I’m talking about this new lens of some of those. I literally don’t know how yet. I wouldn’t know how to create passion in my career because I’ve never had that. I wouldn’t know how to have vital energy because I haven’t had that. If we get to that point and you write down, “I want vital energy.” Write it down. In the Bible, it says, “Write the vision, make it clear as day and then hold on to it.” There’s a reason it says this. I’m going to write down vital energy. I’m going to write down the connection to my marriage. I’m going to write down my passion for my career. I’m going to define a little bit what does that means. Vital, sustainable passion is the people I love. It could be the art I love, the people I love, the cause I love. What does that mean? You’re going to go, “Where would I find that?” That’s when I say, “Now grab people that have fruit in their life.” We talk about this a lot. Don’t go to someone who’s not healthy and does not have sustainable energy and ask them how to do this. Even though they might have good opinions, they don’t have the fruit in their life.
You could even look withinside even at that point, depending on the vital energy. What do I eat throughout the day? Do I smoke? Do I get outside and go on a walk and get fresh air? There are a few steps that you can eliminate right away before you even start to go faster and seek outside. It’s going within of like, “I know smoking doesn’t give me vital energy. I know that when I eat sugar, I have the sugar high, and then it drops. That doesn’t make me feel good.” It’s starting to say, “I’m going to smoke a pack a day, I’m going to smoke half a pack and then start to wean off of that or sugar.” “I need to go outside and get fresh air when it’s summertime as opposed to sitting in all day long and feeling frustrated that I don’t get to.” Start to practicing a few little habits that if you sat with yourself, you would know.
To the point, this is why I don’t think we do because then the truth will set you free. You said this last time, but it’s going to piss you off at first. You’re going to have to look at going, “That means I have to stop the cheese. I can’t have my cigarettes. I have to sweat.” All of a sudden, the ego is going to go, “No, I don’t want to do this.” Here’s what you have to keep listening to. Do I want to keep getting the same results I’m getting or do I want to move in a direction of actual vital energy? Am I more motivated by the pleasure or am I sick enough of the pain or both? Am I sick of the results that I’m getting to the point that I’m going to change and do I want this change? Do I want vital energy? Do I want a connection? Do I want passion in my career enough to where I’m going to sit in these hard moments? I’m going to create small changes because we’re looking for sustainability here. We’re not looking to sprint our way to change. It won’t last.
You made a comment as far as I can’t have that as opposed to I get to not have that. We were even talking with Malachi, our oldest were we homeschool and that was the path that we were going to be on from the beginning of figuring it out and we’re still figuring it out. He struggles sometimes. He loves learning certain things, but there are certain things, basic stuff he has to learn, writing, and math. It’s flipping the words for him to help him to understand this is the foundation and you get to learn. You don’t have to learn. When you want to learn the stuff that you want and that brings you joy, you have the foundation.
This is why am I working in my head and my ego or in my heart where I need to be. I know that sometimes this can sound a little bit cheesy, like, “Live from your heart.” I need this. This stuff is not for the faint of heart. These are people who know the power that comes from within them. Your head will sound like, “I can’t have this. I can’t do this,” because what it’s wired for is what you had. I can’t have sugar in the past. I can’t do that of the past. I won’t be able to this. This chatter is all referencing things of the past that it can control, manage, handle, hold, and have certainty. Our brain doesn’t not listen to your brain. It’s keeping you in check and keeping you alive, but it won’t take you to where you’ve never been. The heart is going to do that, which sounds like, “I get to do this. I get to pursue vital energy. I get to have a connection in my marriage, which means I get to have this intense fellowship.”
I get to do this with you because I believe that when we rumble a little bit and we have intense fellowship, our goal is connection. Connection and growth have to have tension. We’ve got to have a little bit of pressure. What I have found that we’ve practiced hard in our marriage is, and you’ve taught me this because I was always afraid if I say the wrong thing, you’re going to leave me. If I do the wrong thing, you’re going to leave me. I was afraid to have a little bit of tension or even some conflict a little bit because I was like, “He’s going to bounce.” What you’ve taught me in the marriage is to speak the truth. Tell me what you’re thinking. Tell me what you’re feeling so we can get to a place of more growth and connection. You were the first that showed me you’re not going anywhere.
It was also what you’ve seen modeled by me because I can bounce. I have bounced on situations and people. You’ve seen that. Unless you have conversations to seek to understand, that could be viable of an option that I have done in the past.No human being on the planet is wrong and bad to the core. Click To Tweet
Not only do I see that with my parents when they got divorced, but I was also like, “Someone did something wrong and it created separation.” I saw that. I remember in high school getting a fight with my friend. I never talked to him again. I changed my phone number.
There’s way more to the story than that.
You’re like, “If I’m done, I’m done.” Now that you’re saying that, there were probably these subliminal messages that were already layered on top.
That could be another episode because I was seeking something else, but not knowing because I didn’t have the tools that I have now to do it in the right way. It was like, “I know this relationship, this person or hanging out with this person does not serve me because what we do when we’re together is not who I am and who I want to be.” I disconnect it as opposed to communicating and saying, “I would love to hang out with you, but I don’t want to keep doing this.” I wasn’t equipped. I’ve done that a few times and now it’s communicating. At a certain point, those people are probably going to be moved out as far as the time circle that you spend with them and that’s okay. It’s a better way to handle it.
For all of us, there are many things we could look back at and go, “If I had been equipped, fair.” I love that quote that says, “We know better. Do better.” We can all look back. I believe we’re all doing the best that we can and it should be our aim to be gaining awareness and growth. The minute that you’re aware and you’re growing, then you know better. Now you can do better. Pay it forward, be better at that whole process. If we bring it back and we walk someone through this again, so now I’m aware, I create space to realize that someone bigger, that God’s going to meet me in between to help me through this. I let go of whatever the habits, patterns, beliefs, thoughts, even truths that aren’t going to serve me moving forward. I’m in the liminal space. I’m in the in-between. Now I have to start finding my truth.
To your point, if I take something away from the outlets. Let’s use an alcoholic. If I drink every day from 5:00 to 10:00, that’s five hours a day. That’s a lot of time. If I take that away but don’t fill it with anything, I’m going to go back. That for too long leaves room for havoc. It’s empty. It’s not supposed to be empty. We’re not supposed to take everything out of our house and then live in an empty house. Take all the old stuff out of it and you look around and go, “This is a beautiful house. This is the life that I want.” This is what I can imagine, what I can see. I walk myself through. I want vital energy, passion, and connection. Even the keywords. We’ve got to fill the house back up so you’re not living in an empty house. You have to grab onto new truths. We have to grab onto something that can replace the old and fill that space. Even to the point, if I drank every day from 5:00 to 10:00, now maybe I go on a run. Maybe I do meditation. Maybe I go hang with a girlfriend. Maybe I take a class. I have to fill it with something and start that path. It doesn’t mean that all of a sudden, it’s easy. I’m not going to want that old stuff. There’s still that process.
At least I’m looking forward to the new truth at something that’s going to give me the results that I want most. Given enough time of practicing that, all of a sudden, I go from consciously incompetent to consciously competent. Now I don’t feel stupid. I don’t feel alone. I feel competent. I’m not multitasking. I’m not unconscious about my competency, but I feel I know how to do this now. I know how to cook a healthy meal. I’m starting a new career. I’m starting to get it. You and I are connecting. We’re having real conversations in our relationship that’s making us better. I’m starting to see the weight fall off. I’m gaining competency in what I’m doing.
We’ve seen this quite a few times with a career and having a job. More specifically with probably having a job and either wanting to step into an entrepreneur and owning your own business or transitioning from a job. To me, in that context, it’s taking ownership of it too. Whether it’s alcohol and we’ve talked about that as far as like, “I’ve got to take ownership of whatever that is.” If I have a job and I hate it. It served me to a certain point and I make a certain amount of money because we hear that a lot too of like, “I have a family, I have a mortgage, I have a car.” Now we have to back it up a little bit. What can I get rid of to allow me to be able to step into it?
Don’t be the victim because you got the degree, you filled out the application, you did the interview, you accepted the job. You’ve had it for a certain amount of time and it could have been a huge blessing. It served a purpose to a point. You wake up one day and you’re like, “I can’t keep doing this. I need to do something else.” It’s the same practice of doing that. I know this doesn’t serve me. I can’t necessarily quit unless I’ve saved up a bunch of money, but now, dream. Open up the possibilities inside. Sometimes Google and stuff. There are many options to be an entrepreneur. The tools and resources and platforms. It’s amazing how people make money. It’s going on that maybe you have to get some new thoughts because you’ve had a job for 20 or 30 years. You’re like, “This is all I’ve known.” Now you Google or you talk to some different people or go to meetup groups or whatever that are entrepreneur based. Get some new ideas, but ultimately sit within.
Go back and rinse and repeat that process.
Understand what gifts and talents do I have? We were watching a video and it hit me. There’s a gentleman on YouTube that our son watches that draws called Art Hub. It’s highly recommended for kids. It’s super cool. He sits there and draws and he has another kid by his side and they basically go through the whole process of how to draw whatever it is. He’s got hundreds of thousands of videos now.
Maybe because Malachi would go ask this and I was like, “He’s probably is not going to have that.”
From animals to cartoon characters, it doesn’t matter. I was watching and I was like, “That is cool that he gets to do what he loves to do.” He draws and shows other people how to do it. There are many ways to make money now by utilizing your skills and talents. Maybe you had one that you dropped it and you stop dreaming. You’re like, “No, I’ve got to get a job, I’ve got to make money and grind it out and I’ll retire. I’ll start doing that again.” Whether it’s fly fishing or golf or whatever it may be, there’s probably a niche within that, that you could serve other people to make money and be way happier than you are.
Let’s be strategic about this. For those of you who maybe have an inkling. I have a career, but I’ve always wanted to be an entrepreneur. Let’s do the career, stick with that or I want to transition and I want to be in this industry or I’ve been doing more clerical stuff, but I want to be in sales. The next strategic thing that you could do is you need to find, and I do I believe that all of us can do a certain amount on our own, but to your point, if you can do it all, it’s not big enough. It’s not real enough. There’s something to be said about finding someone who has the fruit in their life that you want and going and asking them, “What was your mindset around this?”
Don’t even ask them like, “What did you do?” The way that they got there could look different. What was the mindset that helped you become an entrepreneur? What was the mindset that helped you go from being an admin to now being the sales manager or being a general manager? What was it that you did that got you from where you were to where you are? Don’t go back to the old group of friends that knew you like it a certain way because they’re going to have biases. They can’t help it. We have biases. I knew you as X. Now you’re telling me you want A. All I know, typically unconsciously how to answer any of these questions is a biased approach or fear of like, “If you go out and step out for your family’s sake, are you going to be able to pay your bills?” That’s fine, but that’s a survival-based answer. Where we’re trying to get you is from survival to thriving. This is not in judgment, but if I’m asking someone who’s surviving how they’re doing, what they’re doing in their life, I’m going to get survival-based answers. I would encourage you to find someone who has the fruit, the results in this area of their life, and say, “You have a thriving marriage. Tell me more.”
I’ve seen it in the past in real estate where sometimes you seek out the answer that you want even though you know it goes against. You go to people that don’t have the fruit in their life and you go to them to confirm so you don’t have to step up and step out.
This has to be a self-check. If you’re going to ask people that are going to confirm your old bias, it’s impossible. It can’t happen. You’re going to put your family in harm’s way.
You’re like, “I knew it. I’ll stay doing that.” You have to seek people out.
Confirm an old bias.
People that go to college spend tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of dollars for a degree. You get a job and you go through that. At one point, there are quite a few people that I forget the stat that we were talking about, but 70% or so go to work. They don’t love it. It’s a paycheck. They’re going to put in their time, as opposed to like, “I may have to pay a mentor. I’m 30-some years old and I’m going to hire a mentor.” That goes against what you’ve been living for the last fifteen years because also the school system is his mentors, their teachers. You go to a class, you have to be there at a certain time and you get a degree for that.What got you to where you are won't take you to where you've never been. You have to rethink. Click To Tweet
It’s the same thing with entrepreneurs. There are videos, YouTube, classes, workshops, and different ways or you can serve someone too. Find someone that’s doing what you want and say, “How can I serve you? I like what you do. I love the industry. I want to be in that industry. Let’s talk about real estate.” Go serve them. Go do something for free. Maybe you don’t like it. It looks nice from the outside and you’re like, “I want to do that,” because you see maybe the fruit in their life, they have nice house and cars or time or whatever, but then you get into it and you’re like, “I don’t like that at all.”
Let’s stop and make sure that this is clear. That’s basically saying, “I like what’s in your hand, but I don’t want what’s in your heart. I like the result, but I don’t want the journey.” You’ve got to make sure that you can understand some of the journeys. There should be joy in the journey. You’ve got to make sure that you like the day in and day out of that journey and not just the result. You’ve got to like the journey. We can do five episodes on that one. You’re giving a good point. This is why I love the concept of money is wherever I put my money. It will have my heart. If I’m willing to put my money somewhere and go, “I’m going to invest in this.” Now my heart will follow going, “The money doesn’t have me.” If I’m going to put my money there, my heart is going to go, “I’m in because it’s important to me so that I’m going to put my money, resource, time, and money in the place of that and go now.”
There are ways to even do it without money. If you want to do an internship, work for free or nights and weekends or take someone out to lunch a few different times and you can understand the pros and cons. That’s why it’s being self-aware of yourself, understanding what you’ve put on as far as to limitations, limiting beliefs, and what you saw and your environment and everything. You’re going to have a lot of new awareness as you start to step out. The only way to grow and to gain a new perspective is to put yourself in those uncomfortable situations where you could feel inadequate, stupid, ashamed or fearful. You have to step into those to understand like, “Yes, I want to keep pursuing it. I’m okay looking stupid.” I’m okay with that because I know that it’s part of the journey to get what I want.
Sometimes it can be that trite statement of everything you ever want is on the outside of your comfort zone. That’s true, but let me help you with this. You’re going from unconscious incompetency to conscious incompetency to conscious competency, to unconscious competency, which means now I know. When I’m in that phase, now I know this is part of the process. If I know it’s part of the process, it’s normal. That’s why we’re spending two episodes talking about this. If I know that I went from not knowing that I didn’t know to now knowing that I don’t know, to now knowing what to do about what I didn’t know. I don’t even think about it. I remember when I started that my whole health nutrition journey, got that first meeting with Sarah. I love her to death with Food Beautiful. She is a godsend.
I remember that first meeting that I looked at everything she said, and she’s like, “Does that make sense?” I was like, “No.” “Are you going to do any of it?” I was like, “No.” I sat with it. It was one piece and then it was another. Now you fast forward several years and I don’t have to consciously give thought to what I eat, what I drink or why I do it because I’ve been doing it for so long. It’s been several years of this journey. The biggest encouragement is everything that you’re dreaming of does lie on the outside of the comfort zone that you’re currently in. That is true. If you can learn to go through that process of getting aware, then grabbing onto God, then sitting in the liminal space, getting to connect. Reconnect with yourself, wrestling with it a little bit, finding new truths that are going to take you to where you want to be, then grabbing onto them and starting to act it before.
The final piece of what we can end with. I’m going to act I have vital energy before I have it. That means if I have a vital energy, what food would I eat? What would I do? If I have a connection in my marriage, how would I have this conversation with my husband? If I am in a career that I’m passionate about, what would I do? How would I do this? What you’re starting to do is to think like it, which means you’re going to act like it. You act like it, which means I’m going to automatically start to think like it. In theory, all the things that we’re suggesting like find someone who has the results, do a Google search that gets you that answer, whatever it is, it starts to become a little bit easier because you’re acting your way to thinking and thinking your way to acting.
We said it in the last episode, the how-tos are out there so you have to understand that the deeper level of who you are, why are you here? What are you going to do about it? The thoughts and desires that are coming up for you, they are possible. Those are what we would call your purpose and your vision. You have to rethink it. You have to do something different because your thoughts got you to that point, which will not get you to where you want to be. It’s almost as that thing when you were saying that. It’s almost like if I wanted to get into mountain biking. I could go buy the nicest bike, I can buy all the equipment, but I’m not going to ride like I am in 1, 2, or 3 years. It’s almost like you have to take a few steps forward and sometimes the external does not match your internal and vice versa.
That’s the hard part because we’re starting to build externally before internally, which is why we don’t sustain it. It’s believing that the things that are on the inside of you are going to be stronger so that the external is a byproduct.
That’s where the jujitsu match comes up of like, “I’m going to be a downhill mountain biker. I’m going to do this and I’m going to buy all the sweat gear.” You get on the bike and you fall off, you break your arm, you get hurt and all that. You’re like, “It doesn’t align yet.” It’s practicing that new habit and understanding that yes, on the outside, it may start to look like something, but on the inside, you have to give yourself grace because you’re strengthening your mental muscle. You have to understand that it is going to take a while to catch up. If you’re 30, 40, 50, you’ve been practicing subconsciously something for so long. To shift it, there’s not going to be a line yet.
If you’re reading and you’re like, “I am ready to create change in this area.” We encourage you to grab 1 or 2 areas. Don’t do all of them at one time, especially if you’re newer to this process and newer to gaining this level of awareness. Pick 1 or 2 areas that you feel like, “I want to change,” enough to where I go, “I hate the results that I’m getting. I don’t want them anymore. I want something new enough.” Walkthrough this process. Read this a couple of times if you have to. Write it all out and then start taking one step every day. Do one thing. Do five minutes of meditation, then do ten. Make one phone call, then make two. Walk around the block then walk a mile, then run a mile. Take one step every day and remind yourself that you are moving towards a new way of thinking until all of a sudden it becomes unconsciously competent. For your sake, for your dream’s sake, for the world that’s waiting for you, we encourage you, we challenge you, we’re here to support you. We believe that when you start this journey of rethinking, you’ll never go back.
That’s what this whole show is about. Our journey and we’re constantly doing it. We’re in the midst of it. We don’t have everything figured out and we’re going to talk about money. We’re going to talk about the relationship. We’re going to talk about raising kids. We’re going to talk about career and entrepreneurship and all the things that we’ve learned. As we come up with new awareness and new thoughts, we’re going to share them and be open and vulnerable of like, “Here’s how I thought. Here’s what I did. Here’s what we’re doing.” Read this because hopefully, it will plant seeds and 1 or 2 things will pop out and you’re like, “Do this or maybe I can change this.” It’s like an adventure. It’s exciting of like, “I do this. Am I getting the results that are great results? If not, then what could I do to get great results, not just okay results?”
If you’re sitting there and still going, “I don’t even know what I’m thinking. I don’t know if they’re the wrong thoughts.” In our next episode, we are going to be talking about a couple of the things that you’re finding yourself saying that you didn’t know was keeping you from your dreams. We’re going to unpack a handful of the things that you didn’t know were keeping you from your dreams.
Your words matter.
Until next time.
Love the show? Subscribe, rate, review, and share!
Join the Dream On Community today: